FROM PHOENIX, ARIZONA Topic: NORTH AMERICAN AFFAIRS
PHOENIX, Nov. 3 - Trying to beat its competition to the punch on the eve of the U.S. mid-term elections, the network which claims the first three letters of the TV alphabet soup went all out on Monday night: it reportedly added God to its editorial lineup. One day before Americans had a chance to cast their votes, ABC News already knew the outcome. On Monday, Nov. 2, ABC posted on its Web site the results of the Tuesday, Nov. 3 elections. Now, that's got to be the mother of all scoops. Or of all goofs. And a big new bone for the conspiracy theorists to chew on.
For example, in California's race for the U.S. Senate, the incumbent Democrat, Barbara Boxer, defeated her Republican opponent (Fong) by 2,155,456 votes (50%) to 1,916,746 (45%), according to ABC News.
In Arizona, Senator John McCain was re-elected over his Democratic Party challenger by a comfortable 64% to 34% margin. The Libertarian Party candidate (Zajac) collected 6,200 votes (1%), while the Reform Party's Bob Park received 5,737 votes (1%).
In Wisconsin, the contest between the incumbent Democrat (Feingold) and the Republican (Neumann) was much closer. With 100% of the polls reporting (as was the case in all Senate races), Feingold edged out Neumann by 411,117 votes (47%), to 397,235 (46%). The Libertarian Party's candidate (Ender) collected 41,897, or 5% of the votes.
In New York, the incumbent Republican (D'Amato) overcame two handicaps to defeat his Democratic challenger (Schumer) by a 50% to 42% margin. D'Amato's first handicap was D'Amato. His second handicap was Mayor Guiliani's support. But both were evidently easily offset by voter rejection of the Schumer booster - Bubba Clinton. Exit polls showed, however, that the deciding factor weighing on New Yorkers' minds was not Monica Lewinsky. (Not only because she wasn't running; everybody knows she is better at kneeling). It was the traffic tie-ups which Clinton causes every time he comes to Manhattan looking for handouts.
Perhaps the most surprising result of the Tuesday elections, as reported by ABC on Monday night, came in the Nevada race for the U.S. Senate. Not because the Republican challenger (Ensign) upset the Democratic incumbent (Reid) by a 49% to 42% vote. But because of the strong showing of a third-party. The "None of These" party candidate (John Q. Protest) received 14,770, or 7% of the Nevada vote, according to ABC.
On Tuesday morning (Nov. 3), the alphabet soup network apologized to its readers. "Last night, during testing of the site (abcnews.com), we inadvertently posted results and erroneous predictions on the outcomes of the political races," a note on the ABC Web site read. "There was no bias intended by what we posted, and the predictions do not reflect the reporting or news judgment of ABC News," the Reuters newswire reported Tuesday (Nov. 3).
Wonder whose news judgments are reflected on ABC News Web site, if not that of ABC News? Maybe one of its 2,000 striking workers' whom the network has now locked out?
Whoever did post the fake vote results has evidently breathed a new sign of life and hope into the ABC TV programming. Long known for its popular "Monday Night Football" broadcasts, the network now has a chance to supplement them with a new series of "Monday Night Goofball" shows. ABC shareholders will also likely welcome the significantly lower production costs of the Goofball broadcasts. They can be all taped at ABC's studios on Sixth Avenue in New York, where there is evidently no shortage of goofballs.
P.S. Don't forget to vote today. Just not at the ABC booth.
Also, check out... "Canadian Banks Speculating Against Canadian Dollar", "Election '98: Much Ado About Nothing", "A Spoof on Goof: ABC Adds God to Its Editorial Lineup," "Taking a Little Bite Out of the 'Big Apple'", "Greenscam's Meriwether Bailout," "Wall Street's Conquest of America," "Yeltsin-IMF Deal: Feeding Drugs to Drug Addict", "Like Watergate, Cover-up Worse Than Original Crime," "Death Merchants 80; U.S. Taxpayers 19" , "The Great American Divide Widens", "Was Buchanan Robbed in Louisiana, Iowa, Arizona?"
Or Djurdjevic's WASHINGTON TIMES columns: "When Will Wall Street's Bubble Burst?", "Russia, IMF, and Global House of Cards", "Rekindling NATO to Fuel Cold War..." or his CHRONICLES column: "Wiping Out the Middle Class."